A promise…

A woman once told me that as long as I put 100% into where I am now, I was promised that I would have what I needed when it became time to move forward.  She said that to me a couple of years ago and I have done my best to remember her words.

I remember at one time of my life I lived in house in a quiet town.  There was a field across the road with cows grazing in the day, later on they moved the cows back to the farm down the road.  I remember quite a few times looking out the window and seeing a cow or two walking down the road by themselves and watching to see them herded back in.

We had a big back yard with an in-ground pool.  The kids loved swimming and there was a deck with an umbrella table to sit at in the summer.  The back of the house had two sets of glass sliding doors, one into the living room with a fireplace, (my favorite room) and the other into a dining room, which we switched to a den/office.  The kitchen was homey with a long hallway leading to three bedrooms.  The house had lots of windows, so it was always bright.  We had a few dogs and a cat.  A couple of rats and ferrets too.  I had three goats in the back for a while.

We had a 32 foot trailer that we kept on site year round.  Camping season was April 15th through October 15th and our family spent a lot of time there.  We had a lucrative family business and on the outside everything looked great.  It wasn’t.  I was miserable.  I do know however that I did give 100% of myself and when the time came, I had what I needed to move forward.  A proven promise.  Each step of the way I have had what I needed to keep moving forward.

Now, in this phase of my life, I look to people who have things that I used to have and I see in them what I could see in myself.  Why not happy?  If all of these things that you have are so important, why not happy?

I knew a man, not that long ago.  He got everything he wanted except for one thing.  Just one thing and he couldn’t let it go.  He will never be happy, until he lets it go.

I know there are a lot of people in this world that have less than I do.  A lot, but most of the people I know have more if you consider their financial status or living arrangement, yet they are clearly not happy.  Why?

I always thought that I was doing the right thing.  I was wrong, I know that.  I lived a life I hated for my children and it didn’t go well.  I gave so much of myself to so many people around me I had nothing left for myself and when I stood up to do something for me, people where shocked.  I remember John saying to me once that it was like they were a bunch of children that I had been giving candy to and suddenly I stopped.  It made a lot of sense to me.

Maybe in the long run, it was worth it, I don’t know, we will see at some point I am sure.  Maybe in truth I did the best thing I could and it never would have turned out any better than it did, I don’t know.  I can’t wonder anymore.

Of course the point of all of this is more about now then it is about then.  I was a perfect example of a person having the appearance of everything, but nothing they truly wanted for themselves and I wonder, how many people live that way and when is it their turn to stop?

What is the problem, is it greed?  Envy, or pride?  Laziness, or gluttony?  Lust, or anger?  What drives people?

I know a woman although not very well.  What I see her say and do is out of greed and I can clearly see that it is going to cause problems for her, but she won’t see reality.

I have so many questions, why is everyone so unhappy?