John and I went out in the kayaks on Sunday, late morning I guess is when we went. It was beautiful out on the water. John fished while I paddled around the lake trying to catch up to the birds. I got on the trail of a Swan, but every time I would catch up to him he would use his wings to get ahead. My aim was to get him to fly, because they are so enormously beautiful when the fly over you. However, he was yelling at me the entire time and I guessed that he would sooner than later turn on me. Besides that my arms were getting tired chasing him around the lake, so I gave up and went back to where John was fishing. The Swan squawked at me for a bit as I paddled away.
As beautiful as Swans are, who I was really looking for was the Heron. Where I see the Swan as enormously beautiful, I see the Heron as majestically and structurally beautiful, in a Jurassic sort of way. The Heron are also more apt to fly when approached than the Swan was. And when the Heron flies, oh he is a sight to see. Most of the time though it is best to try to get close and just sit and watch the Heron. I could watch him just sit for hours if he would stay that long, but inevitably he flies. I didn’t find the Heron on Sunday. Perhaps next time.
Those were the relaxing nature moments of my week. Yesterday morning I watched an old movie called “The Outsiders.” I don’t remember ever seeing this movie before although I do know it became an instant classic. I did not expect the movie to be so sad and honestly I wish I hadn’t watched it. For some reason it made me think of my sons and wonder what they must feel about the way things are, but I have no idea if they even feel anything at all.
That is where my thoughts still have been this morning. With my sons and other people that are no longer in my life and sometimes I have to wonder, what ever made me so unlovable?