So yesterday, I went with John to the emergency room. Why he needed to be there is his place to say, not mine, but it is irrelevant anyway. The point is that I spent the day, out and about in the world, with people.
John said that was the most pleasant visit he has ever had to the E.R. The doctors and nurses were all very nice. We didn’t have to wait a huge amount of time for anything. No one had a bad attitude.
John was wrong. Someone in the room had an attitude. That would be me. I can’t help it. I just don’t like people. They grate on my nerves and I can’t even explain why a lot of the time. I guess there really is something annoying about almost everyone if that is what you are looking for! No, I am really not looking for it. Seriously, I would go back to loving people in a heart beat if I could, it just doesn’t seem to work for me.
For instance, we are in John’s little room at the hospital and the doctor comes in. He actually seemed like a really nice guy, even I can admit that. However, when I told him that John was without a doubt, the grouchiest sick person I have ever met, he responded with, “I’ve seen worse.”
That aggravated me. He spent approximately three minutes with John up until that point. He knows this man not… My mother was dying of cancer and had a better attitude, I kid you not.
I found it to be a bit odd when the nurse asked John if he felt safe at home and so, I almost blurted out, “He ought not to!” Instead I kept my mouth shut and stared at the floor. I guess it is a new law that they have to ask a patient that. However, it does make you feel a little strange when you are the person they live with. Why don’t they just ask him outright if he is afraid of me?
Another thing that aggravated me was sitting there while he is on this bed that has all these pedals and knobs. Obviously these are the controls to move the bed. Needless to say, I was not allowed to play with them, until such time as John needed someone to lift him into a sitting position. Then I was allowed to investigate. What I really wanted was to take him for a ride around the hospital, but I guess that is frowned on.
Anyway, while I am sitting there, I am watching the hospital workers, thinking to myself, “If I get a job, I am going to have to be around people all the time.” I tried to imagine it. Let’s face it, I have an attitude problem to work on I think.
So we stopped by the pharmacy on the way home and went through the drive through. When the woman came to the window, I stared at her, watching her work. Listening to her talk. When we left the drive through, I said to John, “She was annoying.” He asked me why and I said I couldn’t put my finger on it, maybe it was her voice. He answered by saying she did kind of have a mean face. Ha! So it’s not just me!
No, John doesn’t like people either. A whole lot less than I do actually. The difference between John and I is still the fact that I want to like people, he doesn’t. He doesn’t need interaction the way I do, or did. I don’t even know anymore. I spend my time alone or with John. I get around people and it is very over whelming. I guess the attitude comes from some need to protect myself.
So I keep my mouth shut a lot. I need to find some way to get around people more, but I don’t know how to go about doing that. Where do people go to be around people? I don’t drink, so I don’t go to clubs, or bars. Funny, it seems a lot harder to make friends when you don’t drink.
John said I should join a book club. I don’t even know what a book club does!