Grief, the process…

Shock,

blood rushing through my veins, pounding in my head,

I step back and hit the wall behind me,

there is no where to go,

this is really happening?

Everything goes silent, everything stops,

if I stand here, nothing can change, can it?

 

Denial, isolation,

No, this is not happening, this can not be happening,

none of this is true, you lie, I know you lie.

Step away from me, let me away from this wall.

Leave me alone.

 

Anger,

How can this be?  How could you leave me?  And why?  Wasn’t I good enough?  And you there, God, where were you?  Why did you let this happen?  Why did you take what I love?

 

Bargain,

God?  Please make this not be true.  I will do anything.  Anything you want, I will give whatever you want, be whatever you.  Please, give me back what I love.

 

Depression,

None of it matter anymore, I will just lie here until,

well, I don’t know until when.

But I will just lie here, because I can do nothing else.

I can do nothing without you.

I’m broken somehow and my heart aches

The world seems so dim,

I’m afraid there will never be light again.

 

Acceptance,

I love you and I miss you.  I always will.  There will always be

a part of me that belongs to you,

some part of you that lives in me,

but today the sun is shining just a little bit brighter

than yesterday,

and today I think I can begin to do things on my own.

Today I think I need to start living my life again,

I know that is what you would want.

Until we meet again, I love you.

 

 

In response to the December writing challenge.  Day 6, The Process.

 

(Dedicated to Bobby.)

 

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