I don’t know what sort of impression I have put out here on my blog of John, or my relationship with him and feelings for him. I would say that I probably haven’t made much of an impression either way as far as he is concerned here. I have written about some of the things we have done, but I haven’t written about the man himself. I should. The reason I don’t write about John is because he is, without doubt, the most important being on the planet to me. He is my best friend, my confidant, my play mate, my partner in everything. And so, because of my fear of loss, I try to keep him to myself and not let anyone know just how important he is.
Have you ever felt as though you didn’t want “God” to know how much you liked what he gave you, because God gives and then takes away, right? Well, that is sort of how I feel. Only it isn’t really God I am afraid of. It is simply my fear of loss, which is deep.
Point being that I need to start writing about John and other things in my life now without letting my fear of loss stop me. I am not sure how I will go about doing that, but this is my start. As I mentioned yesterday, I can’t tell just half the story.