It is cold outside, the best time for a cup of tea. Not that I only drink tea when it’s cold, but it’s just nicer this way. So I sit on the couch in my little living room area. I call it that because the actual room is huge. So the living room is in one corner, John has his computer set up in another. One corner has about half of my books, with a table and chairs. The last corner belongs to the cats.
I haven’t mentioned much about the cats lately. I have to say, they like tea! Just about as much I as I do I think, although I don’t think they care what kind it is. They just like sticking their paws in licking it off! I do care what kind of tea it is. My favorite being Thompson’s, but I don’t have any of that right now, so this morning I am drinking Red Rose. It has a nice taste to it if you use two bags, but what I really like is the little collectible that comes with every box of tea.
I recently got some of my things back from the move. (no, I did not see my sister and I do not intend to.) So I do have the camera and made a small effort to get pictures of the cats. I did get one good picture of Daisy and Scout, only after I had blinded Scout earlier with the flash! I couldn’t get it to shut off and he kept shutting his eyes for the picture. Needless to say, he got sick of that very quickly.
The poor thing! He was so patient. By the way, did I mention that rule number one was “No cats on the table”? You see where he is, right?
Scout on the left, Daisy on the right, snuggling together in Scout’s favorite sleeping spot. I haven’t been able to get a picture of Smokey yet, but I will.
Back to my cup of tea, because that is where this all started. I like to sit in the morning with a cup of tea, usually while reading. It is very relaxing and it only adds to it for me when Daisy sits in my lap while I read. She never sits on the book, unlike Smokey, who seems to think lying across my book is what I want. Of course she is so sweet, it is hard to move her out of the way. Daisy just likes to sit in my lap, she actually looks at the book as though she is reading with me.
Sometimes I just sit with my tea and think about things. Mostly about life and how I came to be where I am. I wonder at times if it is unhealthy to think of those things, but it doesn’t seem to matter as my mind seems to go along on it’s own. I just follow along, remembering things I had forgotten.
What I do seem to have forgotten is the misery. I remember when I was a kid, my mother used to say to me all the time, “Misery has a short memory.” She would say this to me when I would go back to a friend that had previously hurt me. She was right. And so now, I look back sometimes and it all seems so very far away. Sometimes like it all happened to someone else and in my memories I can’t help but just stare at my life like it is a movie in my mind. I don’t even know who was wrong, or right, or when, it doesn’t matter anymore.
I wanted to be at this point, I wished for amnesia, I did. John thinks it is strange that I can’t remember a lot of the time and I have to ask him questions and he reminds me of how sick I was, how I couldn’t barely stand up at times. He begins to go on to remind me of more, but I want him to stop. I don’t think he thinks he should have to remind me at all. Let me just say that what I mean is not amnesia, I just can’t remember the feelings that went with the time. I can’t remember anymore, how it felt to want to die all the time. I can’t remember what it felt like to feel so all alone and then I think about now and I wonder, how could I feel less alone, with less people. Odd.
And so the things I remember now that I didn’t before are the good times. It makes me wonder, “What happened?” How does a person relate to a prior situation when they can only remember the good, even though it is blatantly obvious there was more bad than good. Interesting how the mind works.
And so over my cup of tea in the morning, I think of things like that.