I think and then I think some more, but I never figure any of it out, not really anyway. What is the meaning of life, my purpose, anybody’s purpose? What’s it really all about? I don’t just question the big things, I question everything, all the time.
I think back over my life, searching for something, I am not sure what. Scanning my memories, looking for reasons maybe, reasons for who I am. And then I wonder, “Who am I” and I never know that either.
I perceive the world so differently than I did only a few years ago, and my perception keeps changing as time goes by. Some might call it growth, I hope it is.
The time that I spent with my sister a few months ago, it was my last attempt at having a relationship with my family. I was looking for a sister and I have none. Accepting the finality of it, knowing it is finally the end of it all brings me some peace.
So now it’s just about me, John and our three kittens. So beautiful they are. John is a landscaper and he likes fishing, that about sums it up for him.
But what about me? What would sum it up for me? I don’t know the answer to that question yet. I do love having the kittens with us, watching them grow and get over theirs fears. Daisy has me wrapped around her little claw!
And then I wonder, will anything ever sum it all up for me? Will I always be searching?