John and I went to his parents for Thanksgiving dinner. For about an hour before dinner I sat and watched one of John’s nieces interacting with her young son, almost four years old. It brought back so many memories for me of my boys when they were little. Another niece with two little girls, ages three and five. These mothers with their children were beautiful to see and even though I enjoyed watching and listening so much, soon I was trying so hard not to cry that I felt I couldn’t breath.
I had to leave almost right after dinner. I went outside for some air and just couldn’t go back in. Moments like these, my heart aches for my boys and there is no consoling it. The tears, they just fall with no restraint, there is nothing to be done. They say tears are healing. Maybe they are?
This is not a new feeling, I felt it many times before. The ache, the need that goes unanswered and I know it will pass, it always does. Passes into a haze that filters my life.