So I guess you could call yesterday my feeling sorry for myself day. I am allowed once in a while. I do feel much better than I did yesterday. First, if I am trying to drink a gallon of water I shouldn’t be surprised that I don’t feel hungry. So I stopped drinking the water until I was actually thirsty and I ate just fine. Second, if it is depression that scares me I have to do things to avoid that. Today I went out and started a rock wall that John and I are building. We only worked on the prep for the most part, cleaning the area out and moving the rocks for an hour, but it was enough for me. Rocks are heavy! If I can convince John to do some of that tomorrow with me it would great, but it is his only day off. Otherwise I need to go for a walk in the day. I still feel the need to lie down most of the time, but that won’t be good for me.
I guess you could say it is about taking responsibility. I know what the issues of treatment for Hep C. are now. I also know what my issues are other than that. Whatever problem I think might arise, such as depression, I need to work on it before it happens, not later.
I have to say, right now it is a constant argument with myself. Part of me says to go lie down and the other part says don’t you dare. I don’t know how many people can understand that argument with yourself, but it is a huge problem for me. It can be so hard at times to make myself do what I know is good for me, but the fact is, it is my responsibility to myself. Exercise is going to be so important right now.
With Bi-polar disorder, ADHD, PTSD, Neuropathy, Arthritis, Menopause and treatment I have moments when I feel as though I am walking a tight rope. The words of my old doctor saying I couldn’t be treated for Hep C. because of Bi-polar disorder keep running through my head.
I’ve been through worse, I have been much sicker than I can say I am even close to now. I’m strong, I’m otherwise healthy, who am I trying to convince.
When I got the packet, there were instructions to write down my reasons for wanting treatment. I thought that was pretty silly at the time, but now I am beginning to understand.
My reasons for wanting treatment is are because I want to live and because I know I can do this.