Chaos to calm…

When I think of how chaotic my life has been at times, it amazes me the struggle I went through once I took myself out of the chaos.  Learning to be in the quiet, the overwhelming silence at times.  Reaching for the phone to call people I don’t know anymore, remembering again that I won’t be calling.  Remembering why.

Sitting alone in the silence, memories flooding my mind like torturous waves of emotional havoc, mind bending to reach some kind of understanding, while sitting in the silence.  Looking out the window, into the darkness, wondering if anyone else remembers.

Beginning to believe for a moment that my life never really happened, it was all some convoluted dream I had once a long time ago.  And then the crashing reality that it was real, all so very real and now it’s over and I stand looking behind me in disbelief and shattered views.

And then the day comes when the chaos is no longer still living in my mind, overpowering the beauty of the silence.  Looking to the one person who will always be with me, she stands in the mirror and I like her.

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2 thoughts on “Chaos to calm…

    • Learning to accept who I am now as opposed to trying to be who I was before has helped me immensely. Accepting that the parts of my life that were less than happy are a part of me now and I should learn from and use them as such, appreciate myself now, as opposed to wanting to be who I was, it is freedom in my life.

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