Writing about the past can bring up some pretty messy feelings for me. It puts me in a place that I would rather not be in my mind, such as right now being unable to sleep because the thoughts won’t stop. My mind circling every question in my mind, bringing me back to moments I would rather forget, but can’t. Words said that ring in my ears, confusing me, haunting me, breaking my heart.
And so for hours today I tried to clear my mind, unsuccessfully. The good news is I don’t have to many day like this anymore and some of that is due to writing my story. There are a lot of things I do to try and keep these days away. One of those things is to look at the positive.
The positives are my life as it is now. My relationship with John and achieving the goals that I set out to achieve. One of those goals was to get out of the life I was leading before. Also, working to achieve my own physical health, getting a fishing license and learning to fish. The kayak that I love so much. Peace and serenity in most of my days, not to mention I have some pretty exceptional days.