I am truly at a loss. I would almost like to say that it is because I have nothing to say, only that is not the problem. The problem seems to be that I have way to much to say and the longer I don’t write, the more I have to say and it isn’t all that good.
It isn’t that there isn’t anything good to say, it is more a case of good things don’t usually come up as emotional vomit, laced with venom, if you understand.
My goal to start with was to find some balance for myself. Some place in the middle between naïve and trusting, and cynical and distrusting. That does not seem to be happening.
I found myself out looking for people that would restore my faith in humanity. Apparently I was looking in the wrong places.
I am not sure if people are aware of this or not? The fact is, if you feel the need to exercise any amount of control over another adult human being, if you feel the need to make someone else feel less than to feel good about yourself, the fact that the majority of the population is more like you than I previously would have believed does not make you anymore attractive to me at all.
I still find these character traits to be just as distasteful if not more so than before. It causes me to have two thoughts running through my mind on a much to frequent basis.
First thought is, “What the actual fuck?” and second thought would be, “Get the fuck away from me!”
It’s sad, really. Now I am just pondering where it is I can go to see people actually do something kind for another person with no thought of what is in it for them.
Ideas would be welcome.