I woke up at 5:30 this morning, one hand reaching for the coffee pot, the other grasping my pillow, while my mind argued over which hand to follow. It seems as though everyday starts out this way in my head.
As I stare up at the ceiling and feel that first morning panic. How to get through today. What can I do to keep my self from thinking. Don’t get me wrong, I like to think. As a matter of fact, I love to think. There is a lot of time to think of things I need not to think about anymore though.
There are those parts of life that don’t make sense. I like things to make sense, need things to make sense and so I go over things until they do. Some things will just never make sense. There are pieces of those puzzles that I don’t have and probably never will and so, it is extremely unproductive to think those things over, again and again.
I spend my days searching for new things. New experiences. New people. There in lies a problem I have. I am a people person. Problem being, there aren’t to many people that I actually like.
Let me rephrase that. There aren’t to many people that I understand, feel comfortable with and enjoy their company. Not unlike the rest of the population I am sure, I meet a person and there is either a connection, or there is not.
I know at some point, I have made a reference to a piece of advice I received from a young man who told me, “With some people, you just don’t take it any further.” True words and I needed to hear them, because left to my own devices I am like a big over energized dog, bounding on ahead thinking it is time to have fun. Sad part is, no one else seems to want to have any fun!
I have questioned a few people, saying “What do you do for fun?” The two most recent answers were both, “Well, I watch a lot of t.v.”
What the hell happened to the world? No one does anything anymore? I am not much of a t.v. person myself. As a matter of fact, I don’t watch t.v. I will watch a movie on a DVD, but as far as regular t.v., not so much.
I walk into a coffee shop, order a coffee and talk to the person behind the register. “How are you? Nice day.” They stand there with a look that clearly says, “I don’t want to be here, shut up and take your coffee!” If you laugh to much, people think there is something wrong with you.
A friend told me, “You have to realize, people don’t recognize happy.” She and I went shopping one day and I decided to get a slurpee at the snack counter of the department store. The young man behind the counter said not a word, with no expression on his face. I asked if he could do me a huge favor and smile for me. I told him I was on a quest to find the positive people and having no luck, could he just smile for me. He just stood there staring at me.
I said, “Please, just one smile.” Nothing. I said, “Do I have to jump behind the counter and tickle you?” At this point of course I realized I could get myself arrested for this, so I was just about to quit when he smiled the fakest smile I have ever seen.
I asked, “You really don’t have a real one for me, huh?” Then I said, “That’s ok, thank you, it’s good!” I have to wonder what thoughts that young man had at the end of the day about the crazy lady wanting a slurpee! By the way, I found that I am not all that fond of those slurpees anyway!
So this morning I thought I would go fishing. Got ready and was out of the house by 8am. It was chilly out to start, then the sun disappeared, big surprise there. Then it started to rain. I never made it to the water. I had been sidetracked by a phone call as I sat in the parking lot after grabbing a coffee and when I saw the rain I decided to go home.
I had breakfast, scrambled eggs with cheese and toast. (yelled at the toaster) Did a load of laundry, spent time with John on his lunch break, (didn’t eat anything?) and then another phone call from a friend. Took a shower and here it almost time when John will be home.
I ask what he is going to want to do. He says relax. For some reason I am glad. Sometimes, I have to wonder what it is I am looking for. Maybe I should take up sky diving or something?